A Monstrous Abomination To Avoid at All Costs
04 Dec 2019
We're in the middle of turkey season and turkey lovers around the world are enjoying their hot turkey dinners, turkey sandwiches, turkey salads, and plenty of other inventive ways to use the delicious meat of what China calls the "fire chicken."
Many restaurants jump on the bandwagon and use this occasion to draw in turkey lovers with creative turkey options.
One such creation recently caught my attention. I knew from looking at the picture that I shouldn't have bought it, let alone put it in my mouth; but curiosity got the better of me. I should have listened to the turkey pictured on the box, who appeared to be winking at me and signaling, with its finger over its mouth, to be quite and not tell anyone what's about to happen.
As a child, I was taught two things that have stuck with me over the years in my writing... "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," and "try to find the good, even in bad situations." As I threw the unholy remains into the trash, I remember thinking to myself that I should never speak a word of this to anyone. However, as the two atrocious bites I took made their way through my body I felt more and more compelled to say something. Not only to save others from this dreadful assault on their taste buds, but also to protect the reputation of turkeys everywhere and that of American cuisine.
Burger King should not only issue a public apology for putting people through the traumatic and horrifying experience of attempting to eat this monstrosity, they should also fire whoever came up with this idea. Turkeys are a majestic bird with a glorious history and tradition in American culture; and as such, should never be defiled in such a vile and heinous way.
Thanks for reading and just in case my little rant wasn't clear, if you're thinking about trying Burger King's "Turkey Fries with Stewed Beef Sauce Filling," don't.
Think you know it all! Prove it at G&D’s Pub Quiz! Beat your opponents and the clock! Every Tuesday at 8pm we’ll be firing questions at you and your friends to show off your otherwise useless trivia knowledge.
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